| Mortality is so cliché |
[Jun. 21st, 2009|05:06 am] |
| [ | music |
| | The Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight, Tonight | ] |
I've been suspicious of my own mind lately: Why I want the things I want, why I disregard the things I disregard. Why I hold certain things in contempt. When I step back and try to take it all in, holistically, it just seems incongruent.
I suppose the summer has given me too much time to think. On the bright side, I've been reading more Bukowski, more TS Eliot. More Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Sometimes it inspires me, other times it kills me. I've already done away with the titan of expectation, now I'm wondering if the next head I'll have to put on the chopping block is that of aspiration. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 16th, 2009|11:24 pm] |
it feels
it feels as if I'm in the shadow of a dead titan
and all the recursively self-similar ivies
twisting fractals
have got me fettered to its corpse
and its last words--
they fell on deaf ears.
It's like I'm seeing things in color for the first time in a long time. I don't like it. Everything is too vibrant. I was fine dealing with shades of grey. |
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| fucking oy. |
[May. 18th, 2009|06:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored to tears but dry inside | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Radiohead - Fake plastic trees | ] |
Man. I became a ChaCha guide recently in order to bring in a little $$ that I wouldn't otherwise have during all this downtime I've got. I swear, it seems like half the questions I receive are people texting in their own name, and the other half are kids cheating in chem class.
Whateva. I think I've googled my brains out, tho.
In other news, I really need to clean up my fucking act.
In other other news, some papajohn's pizza would hit the fucking spot right about now. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2009|08:37 pm] |
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Life is, by and large, a burden. |
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| Ephemera |
[May. 2nd, 2009|08:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Melancholic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sound Tribe Sector Nine - Music, Us | ] |
I'm finding it very hard to get excited about anything right now. It feels like the doors of possibility have closed or are closing. I just wrapped up a semester real tight, but don't feel any sense of accomplishment.
This funk is probably due to watching folks who've graduated prepare to leave. This time last year I didn't really have to say goodbye to anyone important to me. I've gotten alot better at taking things one day at a time, but the future is weighing on me heavily right now, and even the diffuse sunlight is suffocating.
The thing that has been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done. There is nothing new under the sun.
aaagggh, I think Miami might do me some good. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 24th, 2009|07:21 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | The Smashing Pumpkins - Starla | ] |
Damn guys, this song is ten kinds of nasty. If you look up "how to play a guitar so hard that it'll scream out your name and then ask for more" in the dictionary, you will find a picture of the second half of this song.
Fuuuuck, I haven't slept in aaages. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2009|07:51 pm] |
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I think it's time to get off the Prozac. Not experimentally, but in earnest now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2009|02:44 am] |
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Cold mornings, fingerless wool gloves. Contented quietness, wet leaves on the ground. Wood crackling in the firepit, arms extended, warmth radiating. Slightly hungover but well rested. Bright fields, sunrise's sunlight streaming horizontally through the trees, broken up into vertical ribbons of light--flickering, chopped up as the car moves down the gently sloping road. Clouds overhead seem as if they were painted on a infinitely deep blue canvas. The melancholy realization that this won't last forever. Moon's ghost hanging pale, effaced by the bright of the sun. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 20th, 2009|12:37 pm] |
Yo guys, I pressed "play" on Dark Side of the Moon right when Obama took the stage, and it totally synched up with the inauguration.
Woah man. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2009|09:00 am] |
Ah fuck.
I hate it when the answers to the questions "How much of this vomit is my own?" and "how did I get home?" are total mysteries.
I think I made the best toast of the night yesterday. "Thank god that's over! Shit!"
Anyway: fuck. |
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| Get up get over get up get over |
[Nov. 27th, 2008|02:52 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Sound tribe sector nine - Music, Us | ] |
Been home three hours and already drunk as motherfucker.
I'm eager for next semester to start. Classes should be more interesting when come that time.
I've got a psychologist and a psychiatrist writing letters, convincing the withdrawals committee at UF that I'm insane. This is all good news.
Sharing space with harmony, rhythm, and eternity, love is all we'll ever need. |
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| bjorkbjorkbjork |
[Nov. 14th, 2008|05:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | FUKKIN ENERGETIC | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Aphex Twin - Cock / Ver 10 | ] |
If I'd been born a decade or two earlier, I'd have tried to marry her. |
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| Forever heavy, unbearably light. |
[Nov. 7th, 2008|03:52 pm] |
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It's multi-dimensional, I can say that for sure. It pulsates with a dynamic rhythm: constantly changing but also self-preserving. And it functions as a sort of membrane, dripping with fractals and surrounded by deliquescent instances of recursive self-similarity, though essentially electro-plasmic in nature, with a difference potential, a polarity that is representative of binary logic. These voltage-based calculations, I believe, are responsible for a synergy that takes place in the negative space between the folds of it's surfaces, the summation of which is consciousness. Not individual, though, but rather, something collective. |
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| hey motherfucks |
[Oct. 27th, 2008|04:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | what | ] |
| [ | music |
| | God is an Astronaut | ] |
It's hard for me to reconcile ideas surrounding physical and mental pain. Making comparisons between the two is about as useful as comparing Wagner to a frozen orange tree. Still though, when either gets too intense, body and mind disconnect. Persistent discordant cacophony felt in the mind can cause you to neglect the body, forgetting or disregarding the things it tries to tell you about hunger and sleeplessness. Likewise, the hushed sizzle of a cigarette being put out, twisted into the soft white underbelly of your arm can be enough to get you to forget and quiet that cacophony, even if just for a few seconds.
I want to make weekends like this past one more common in my life. More impulsiveness. More drumming. More rampant adventuring. More sitting on the roof talking shit. More bonfires. More making out with girls I just met. More deciding to get the fuck out of Gainesville at three in the morning. More not changing my clothes for four days and more not caring about it. More spending the night in other people's cars. More chili for breakfast at four in the afternoon, cooked and had in outdoor kitchens in the woods. Less restraint.
I am going to withdraw from school this semester, I just haven't decided when. It won't be a permanent thing. I'll be attending UF again this spring, and will in all likelihood stay in Gainesville in the meantime. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 10th, 2008|01:39 am] |
They're turning on the LHC tomorrow.
Shoulda partied tonight. |
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